New Year, New Dreams

Image by Mohamed Hassan on Pixabay

I have always been intrigued by the concept of giving something up for the new year. Writing it down on a slip of paper and then burning it. So often we focus on what we want to gain instead of the things we need to lose.

When I looked back on 2021 in an effort to list my tangible writing accomplishments, I found some good ones: editing my middle grade novel, drafting five short pieces over the summer, making progress on my fairy tale WIP, self-publishing a book and a short story on Kindle Vella, and traditionally publishing a piece of creative nonfiction which would go on to earn nominations for Best of the Net, the Pushcart Prize, and Best American Essays.

This all feels amazing, but perhaps the most important thing I achieved last year was deciding what I wanted as a novelist and choosing a path that fit that goal. Then I wrote down my old path and lit a match.

What I’m leaving behind in 2021 is the pursuit of traditional book publishing. Ever since Kindle Vella was announced last spring, I’ve felt such passion for the possibilities of publishing my own work. At first I’d planned on only releasing commercial fiction, but I’ve enjoyed the process so much I’ve now embraced it completely.

Last month I pulled The House on Linden Way from the final publishing house where it was under consideration and used earnings from my cozy mystery to commission a book cover; Linden Way will be released on Vella this spring and then in ebook and print in July. I am so excited to share this news! When I made the decision it felt as though a weight had lifted, like I had space to breathe life into new ideas about my writing and publishing goals.

I used to dream about seeing my books on bookshelves and holding author events and making a living as a novelist. These dreams feel dated now. I love being a teacher and not having to rely on income from writing; I’ve participated in author events and mostly felt stressed out and uncomfortable; and while it was thrilling to see The Fourth Wall on shelves, the truth is that the shelf-life of a book is very short unless you sell a gazillion copies, and that leads me to the number one reason why traditional publishing is probably not a good fit for me: everything revolves around sales, which is to say that everything revolves around money, and the pressure is immense—the pressure to perform, the pressure to earn out your advance, the pressure to sell, sell, sell. And that’s not what I want.

What I want from my books is the personal value that comes from writing them and putting them out into the world. I want to focus on the joy of being a creator, because that’s such an amazing thing. The fulfillment for me is imagining a story, bringing it to life, crafting the best version that I possibly can, and then letting it go. The rest is icing.

This is my year of rediscovering the total creative freedom that comes from detaching your work from external validation or numbers. It feels like a new beginning. I have so many ideas for stories and I can’t wait to write them and try new things and maybe fail but learn and grow and get better and just keep going. I want to stay passionate. I want to have fun. I want to create and let that be enough. These are the things that dreams are made of.